Creating Happy Memories Brain Building Toads Hardwiring Happiness Teenagers

Toads freeze in the light. Baseball sized, they are scattered all over the grass on a Kauai night. The owners of our homestay have a net and bucket by the door, waiting for their removal. They also have a bow and arrow and a BB gun. I have my seventeen-year old son, Jaden by my side. Who knew we were building happy memories?

Did You Know?

Cane toads are large, heavily built amphibians with warty skin and a bony head with ridges over their eyes. They can grow huge: up to 2 lbs. They were first introduced to Kauai to manage the insects in the cane fields but quickly overpopulated most areas. Adult toads are active at night, and are often found sitting fearlessly close to a light, waiting for insects. They also eat pet food that is left outside. The problem with this is if a dog or cat bites one, they can be filled with poison and treatment can be expensive. Well, Jaden and I were not killers; we were catch and releasers. The jungle is just across the road and awaiting a new family of toads.

What To Do?

Dr. Rick Hanson describes five major factors on enriching the experience: Duration, Intensity, Multimodality, Novelty and Personal Relevance We Hit All Five! What else would a seventeen-year old boy want more than to “bag” toads with his mother? Of course, I am the bucket carrier. “Mum, I catch them, you lift the lid and don’t let them out.” Hunting around the yard we giggle, jump and capture toads, fifteen in about an hour. We only have tiny frogs around our house in British Columbia and have never seen the likes of these. “Mum, don’t look. I think two are stuck together. That’s why they are making so much noise!” Sneaking down the road to release them into the jungle we created an unforgettable memory under the Hawaiian night skies. “Mum, I think if you touch them you get warts.” I am checking my hands in the morning light.

Thinking of Dr. Rick Hanson’s, Hardwiring Happiness, we want to have our brain rest on taking in the good. “If we rest our attention on the things for which we’re grateful, the blessings in our life—the wholesome qualities in ourselves and the world around us; the things we get done, most of which are fairly small yet they’re accomplishments nonetheless—then we build up very different neural substrates.” So how do we anchor this experience and other happy memories into the brain?

Rick has outlined three steps that I have adapted to this experience. Try thinking of an experience you have had with your children and let it sink in.

1. Really take in the experience. (We ran back to our little rental and talked all about the toads. We recalled the smells of the night and the feel of the bucket bouncing around. We giggled and laughed and recalled when one nearly jumped out of the container.)

2. Really savor this positive experience. (We looked at the video we took and shared it with our friends, explaining how we felt creeping through the night capturing toads. We laughed and smiled and so did they.)

3. Finally, as you sink into this experience, sense your intent that this experience is sinking into you. (This step is funny to think of, as having toads sink into our mind and body is kind of creepy but the experience of the night, the stars, the mystery, the connection and laughter is one that will become a jewel in my heart.) Ribbit Michele Lilyanna

Resources You Might Enjoy To Support Your Learning Adult:

• The Wonder of Boys Paperback 2006, by Michael Guria

• Parenting from the Inside Out How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children, by Daniel J. Siegel MD and Mary Hartzel

l • Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, by Daniel J. Siegel MD

Children’s: (Stories about memories, love, connections and toads)

• The Memory String, by Eve Bunting and Ted Rand

• Wilfred Gordon Macdonald Partridge, by Mem Fox

• Saturdays and Tea Cakes, by Lester Laminack (Author), Chris Soentpiet

• Cane Toads and Other Rogue Species, by Participant Media and Karl Weber

• Cane Toad: The World’s Biggest Toad (Even More Supersized!), by Leon Gray