The Secret To Dating Yourself – Parents need to nourish themselves.

I spent many hours this week listening to podcasts by Elizabeth Gilbert called Magic Lessons. These lessons are ways to nurture our creativity and well-being.

I saw many ways that we as parents can find to cherish ourselves while we do the “big” work of raising our children.  She had one podcast on dating yourself.  I took the idea and ran with it, as dating myself is one of my favorite things to do!

This blog post is for you as parents and teachers. Your children are watching and emulating you!  Show them how you care for yourself and set boundaries for your own well-being.

Amazon book review of Elizabeth Gilbert’s book

“With profound empathy and radiant generosity, she offers potent insights into the mysterious nature of inspiration. She asks us to embrace our curiosity and let go of needless suffering. She shows us how to tackle what we most love, and how to face down what we most fear.”

I Want Skittles

I was at a line up to buy an item in the store yesterday and the dear mother in front of me was negotiating with her 3 year old.  He was winning the battle, and it was a battle.  “I want Skittles now! I want them now.”  He knew he had the upper hand as the line was growing and Mom was trying to find her purse and pack her bag, including the Skittles.  She finally left, Skittles intact and a crying son tagging behind. 

Way to go Mom. I heard you say you would talk to him outside the store when you were finished shopping.  You stuck by your guns even in the face of a full-blown melt down.  This one is for you.

Usually after moments like that when I was a mother of young boys, my shoulders would be tight, my stress level through the roof and I needed some self-nurturing.  The boys were done.  They moved through the upsets of life quickly.  I would remain stressed. 

When our children are small it is really hard to find a moment for ourselves.  Even after 20 years of parenting, I still give thanks for a full night’s sleep and having choice in my day that I didn’t seem to have when they were little.

Years ago I made a plan that I would wake up and ask myself: “What do you want to do in your ‘spare’ time today, Sweetheart?” Spare time meant I had claimed a half hour, hour or a full day to myself.  At one point, when my boys were very young, I was gifted a full day by my husband to go off and do whatever I wanted. Sunrise to sunset!  Woo hoo.  A friend had a little cabin in the woods.  I got up really early that morning and spent the day all by myself.  I had no agenda.  I didn’t take anything but my journal and nourishing food. I watched the trees and napped, checked in with myself and wrote.  I meditated and snuggled deep in blankets. I walked back out of the woods that day a different person.  I had reclaimed myself after 12 hours of no agenda.

After that day, which after 20 years I still remember fondly, I set up going away for a few days all by myself every year. I knew it was vital to have time to do nothing but what my heart desired. Is this resonating with you?

So make a plan and set a date with yourself.  You may have to set up a babysitter, trade with a friend or spouse or actually give yourself the gift of going away for a day.

Date Yourself-Seduce and Court Yourself-Make It Good

Wow even the thought of that might seem decadent.   What to do?

Here are a few ideas to get you started if you don’t have a list a mile long already.  Start simply.  The key is to slow down and really enjoy each moment.  If you are looking for a neuroscience back up for this self-love, quote Dr. Rick Hanson to yourself. “The more you get your neurons firing about positive facts, the more they’ll be wiring up positive neural structures.

Taking in the good is a brain-science savvy and psychologically skillful way to improve how you feel, get things done, and treat others. It is among the top five personal growth methods I know. In addition to being good for adults, it’s great for children, helping them to become more resilient, confident, and happy”

A few ideas when dating yourself: You don’t have to tell anyone about your date.  Tuck it in close and enjoy your secret lover—YOU.

• ·   Dress up or dress down for this date, whatever brings you joy.
• ·   Pack a picnic and take yourself off to the woods, park or beach.
•    Wear sunglasses and a big   hat to  avoid chitchat.
• ·   Read a book cover to cover.
• ·   Buy yourself flowers.
• ·   Take a long bath.
• ·   Go to a sports game, buy tickets to a concert…
• ·   Make a beautiful full-bodied coffee at home or go to a coffee shop you have never been to  before.
• ·  Take a nap, even if it’s in the middle of the day.
• ·   Feel a sunshine breeze on your body while you lie outside.
• ·   Get out a hobby you have set aside.

·      Just keep checking in with yourself throughout your time and say, “Now what would you like, Sweetheart? How can I make your life more wonderful?”  What a great date you will be! At the end of your date, reassure yourself that there will be plenty more and thank yourself for taking the time to be the best  you.

I no longer feel any guilt about dating myself.  I love it!  This is a time to deeply connect with myself. I really check in to what it is that I do need: Self-love.

My gift today is to all the Mums and Dads, caregivers and teachers who do so much.  This little recording is for you. Tuck in, relax and let go.

Audio for Muma and Papa

I hope you enjoy it for all the things you do and all the ways you give.

To help get your child off to sleep, try this offering.